last friday we had an interesting conversation around the audit table. i don't know how the conversation started, but it was about proposing. the topic was, if u were a guy and had a sister, and ur sister's bf was about to propose, do u expect the bf to come to u before proposing and ask for ur permission? there were 2 guys (a senior and an associate) who think absolutely, the guy should ask for permission. the rest of us (2 guy managers, 1 girl manager, and me) think it's irrelevant. personally, i'm more indifferent. if the guy wants to run it by my brother, go ahead, but my brother really doesn't get a vote. it's my decision. i think most guys would run it by the father, but i really don't think it's necessary to run it by the brother. anyway, the conversation went something like... D: it's not about whether he needs my permission, it's a matter of respect.
F: yeah, i would think that if he's about to marry my sister, he'd be cool with me, and would run it by me. and then the senior manager from paris said... R: so what would u say? i am going to have sex with ur sister, r u ok with this? the entire room burst out laughing. me: oh dear gawd we're in all sorts of grey right now... and then the conversation took a turn... me: so then before the girl accepts the proposal, does she hafta ask the bf's sister for permission to accept?
D: only if she's the one proposing.
me: why? marriage should be a mutual decision, it shouldn't matter who asked who. if asking for permission is a sign of respect, then shouldn't she show respect to his family as well?
D: no, b/c she's not the one proposing. if she were proposing, then yeah, she should ask for permission.
me: well ultimately, it's still irrelevant b/c its their decision. so really u expect him to ask for permission solely to show respect? what is it with men and respect anyway? u respect urself, that should be enough. why do u need other ppl's validation? and then there was silence. sigh, i should learn to stop telling it like it is though. 我講話太咄咄逼人了... but in all honesty, i don't really understand the need for respect, and this is not limited to guys. when ppl feel disrespected, they'd get pissed at the person who supposedly disrespected him/her. personally, i think a person receives the exact amount of respect he/she deserves. no one is going to treat a person they do not respect with respect. so if u feel disrespected, it's b/c u're not a respectable person. that's your problem. if u want other ppl's respect, u need to earn it. too many ppl try to blame others for their own shortcomings. | 
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